But one more time, inspiration hit me. With the help of a team of dedicated eye specialists, I began to slowly recover. I changed my diet drastically, incorporating a strict regimen of healthy food and vitamins, and eliminating all junk food from my diet, exercised daily, and began to recover, slowly, and get back into action.
The five editors I worked with- Shawn, Dave, Jon, Alex and Kristan did a great job, and putting in 12-16 hours a day (again) for months made me a professional editor pretty quickly. There were no holidays for me…I worked all day through Xmas and New Years without a break, but as I edited and began to see the project take shape, I began to feel my strength and faith returning. But most of all, I was inspired again. It is amazing what you can do when you are passionate about something…
I also understood that I had to be thankful for the opportunity to complete my work and the inspiration to create it. My health was bad, but my resolve began to strengthen. And as my resolve strengthened, my health improved. I could not fail. I had to do this one good thing.
I say don’t bet against us, because the human spirit is one that is invincible. I know that now…
I went to see one of the eye specialists working on my case earlier today. I stopped taking the drugs a week ago because of side effects, and had to see how I was doing without the drugs. The doctor was visibly shocked.
My eye pressure which had previously spiked at 24, is now 12…perfectly normal. There is no sign of pigmentary dispersion syndrome, nor uveitis. I mysteriously made a sudden and complete recovery.
I never won the lottery, but I feel like I did today. I ran home with that joy of a little kid again…
As for the kidney disease, it’s under control, but I will need to keep an eye on these things in the future, because they may come back…as a reminder to remember.
I know that everything happened for a reason and that it was all meant to be. How do I know this?
I created X: The Human Condition’s album cover art over a year ago, way before I became ill. As you can see here, it is the subjects’ right eye that is affected on the cover…
In real-life, it was my right eye that was initially debilitated by Pigmentary Dispersion and Uveitis, and then spread to the left eye. Incredibly, the enigmatic image on our album cover correctly foretold my eye ailments over a year before I contracted the illness.
Coincidence? Something tells me not…It’s both strange and wonderful now as I look at this magical piece of art, and to understand its irony…
The image in the eye was meant to represent many things….a reflection of this person’s life, a need to connect with another, a cry for help, a desire to help others, a challenge to overcome, and the child within us all.
All of these became real and apparent to me and my real life experience, in the creation of X: The Human Condition.
I understand now, how we can both hurt, and heal ourselves with our emotions, our beliefs, and our minds…
The people that helped create this project were many…too many to list here…crew, cast, artists…
Some were paid well, most were not paid at all- they volunteered to help, and I am thankful not only to them, but to everyone. As I look at what we have created together, I am moved deeply. It is remarkable…honest, real and beautiful. I know in my heart, my soul, and my mind, that we will make a difference.
Unexpectedly, the process of X: The Human Condition in itself has become inspiring, and whether it achieves commercial success or not, that was never the goal. The goal was to create one good thing. One thing that would make a difference to someone…
Every day now, I thank god for everything…For the inspiration to create this magical art, for the persistence to keep it going when everything seemed to conspire against all hope of success, and yes, even for the physical problems I developed.
Because without them, I would not have realized how important it is to appreciate every breath… to appreciate sight and normal functioning of the body… things we never take a moment to think about. I thought things could never get worse when I was in production, with money troubles and stress that wracked my body, mind and soul. But it was when I could not see, that I saw what could not be seen.
People say that things happen for a reason.
I understand now…
that the past is not who you are,
It’s not what you deserve,
It’s only what happened.
And as you let that go,
a doorway of opportunity appears in front of you,
and as you step through this doorway,
you can leave behind all your fears and hesitations,
and see a new direction for yourself,
one that you were meant to take.